Risk
by Parachutingkitten
Summary: Some Pixal angst based on episode 96.


I had never felt this feeling before. The feeling that paralyzes you like this. The feeling that makes your breath hitch and then just… stop. In front of my eyes was the image of my father corrupted by darkness, black veins running over his face, his terror frozen in time on his expression, the camera feed steadily shaking from Lloyd's movement. He moved to look back over at Garmadon as I regained some level of control.

"Pixal?" I heard Zane's voice behind me. My impulses took me to him as I felt tears running down my cheeks. Tears I hadn't realized had ever fallen to begin with. "Give us a minute. Nya, you handle Lloyd?" Zane delegated before pulling me away from of the group. My legs moved under me without notice, and my vision seemed to slip around from side to side, trying to hold focus on something.

Zane's hands grabbed one of mine, cradling my fingers. "You're shaking. Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry. When I saw him, I just…" My thoughts trailed off from me. The feeling was indescribable. Everything in me snapped at once, and froze while going into overdrive and filling slowly and yet quickly with intense emotion. I hadn't experienced this intensity of emotion since…

I grabbed Zane's hands over mine and gripped them. "You're still here Zane, right? You're not going anywhere?"

His hands returned the strength I had given his as he moved in closer to me. "I'm right here. What's wrong?"

"The last way I felt this way was when… You… and the Overlord-"

"It's okay. I'm right here, and we're going to get your father back too, along with everyone else." For the first time, my eyes met his, his presence centering me. I took a deep breath, calming my systems.

"I'm… okay." I nodded slowly, trying to convince myself.

"You're sure?" His hands left mine to clear the tears from my cheeks. "I've never seen you this bad before."

I gently moved his hands from me and took a step back, breathing in another fresh breath. "Yeah. I'm fine. It's just when-" I stopped, feeling a flood of tears coming up again. I bit my lip, holding them back for a moment more. "It's just when you go out, or I go out, you understand that there's risk and consequences, and you accept that, but he…" I closed my eyes, letting them all go, a new frustration building inside me. "He was _never _supposed to be apart of that risk." I opened my eyes, my vision blurred, and my body tightening in anger. "That was supposed to be _my_ risk."

The image of my father, lifeless and twisted like that filled me with rage like nothing else. I felt Zane's hand reach for mine, but I pulled away on reflex. "Zane, honey, I love you, but you need to back up, I'm primed to _kill_ someone right now."

He did as I told him, tentatively looking back over at the group. "Take your time. I'll be right over there."

He walked away as I exhaled, shaking my arms out in attempts to dissipate some of my emotions. This only seemed to revert me back to my shaking tear consumed self. The sorrow and anger alternated in waves now, quickly converging and combining in strange ways I hadn't felt in a long time. I began pacing the ship, working myself down as smoothly as possible. The image of my father kept pestering me. I wanted so much to be closer to him, to help him, to hold him and hug him and comfort him. To tell him he would be alright. Just to see him for myself. I had to distract myself. I needed to focus. I began listening in on the middle of the team's conversation.

"Maybe some people who didn't evacuate on time." Survivors?

"What about Lloyd? We can't just abandon him!"

"If someone's in trouble, Lloyd would be the first person to tell us to help."

"That may be, but Lloyd would be incorrect. There is literally nothing more imperative than the success of his mission." Though I knew what Zane was saying was true, the thought of more innocent victims being subjected to our risk didn't sit well with me right now. "If he fails, all of Ninjago is lost."

"Perhaps," I interjected, suddenly. "Perhaps there is a way to be in more places than one." I knew I could rescue them in my mech if I wanted to, but something stopped me. I couldn't leave. There was some instinct in me that wouldn't let me leave. Not my father. Not like this, and not when he was just beneath me. "I can remain behind in the Samurai X mech, while you take the Bounty and investigate the distress call."

"What if you run out of fuel?" Nya asked.

"That would not be good." I thought for another moment. I couldn't let more people suffer… but I couldn't leave. I just couldn't. "Let us hope you are back before that happens." I looked over at Zane for approval, grabbing his hand in both of mine. If I was too unstable to do this, he would tell me.

"We will be back." Zane smiled. I smiled back, slowly letting go of him, and summoning my mech. He trusted me with this. That made me feel better. I could take back some of the risk for myself, and make my sacrifice for the team and for my father. But though he had let me go so easily, as I entered my mech and began sailing away from him, I looked back down to see him nervously watching me leave, posed at the edge of the ship's railing, and the thought flashed through my mind; when I go away on my own like this, does Zane feel the same way?

Does he feel like I'm taking on _his_ risk?

_List of Headcanons that went into this one:_

_Pixal stayed to stay close to her dad, Pixal and Zane do that little two hands hold one of the other person's hands thing all the time. It's their thing, Pixal gets really defensive over her dad and takes on WAY too much responsibility, she can get friggin mad, and Zane respects that. _


End file.
